my buddy Art Rhitis

I've been in some pain(compared to a spike in the eye) for a couple years now. I've tried every kind of Doctor there is to find an answer. Turns out I've got Arthritis. Art didn't come alone. He brought his little friends rotated vertebrae, and bulging discs. When they really get goin the back muscle brothers get all spastic, and they all throw a huge party all across my back and shoulders. They get so crazy at times that they'll invite the upper chest cousins to join in. I'm muscle bound! But not in the traditional sense. I even tried acupuncture. She gave me a magnetic bracelet; not just any old bracelet,but one with holy images on it( Our lady,Our Lord,Saint Patrick,etc.etc.). I put in on and I could feel my arm draining. I mean I could feel the whole thing gettin heavy and weak. I yanked that thing off faster than I can run these days. I don't know if the bad was being sucked out or my arm was goin to salt for the sacrilage(holy images on a magnetic bracelet). I finally get to a Rheumatoid Arthritis specialist, and she tells me I've got DISH Arthritis. This is a form of Art that involves not only the spine, but the tendons and ligaments where they attach to the spine. He's a bad dude, and it explains why my Osteopathic Doctor can't get me straightened out. He talks a lot about beers and stout, especially Guinness. During one of our conversations I mentioned(or maybe I blurted it out with one of those deep breaths he likes me to take and release while he's seein how far forward he can bend my head) that I took a knitting class with one of my daughters-in-law. He thinks a good therapy would be knittin cozys for bottles of Guinness. I wondered if maybe somebody bent his head forward a little too far once. He had mentioned teaching brothers during one session.I didn't have the heart to tell him the Rhuemitoid Doc mentioned I might have the beginnings of Carpal Tunnel in both wrists and cozys would have to wait. I'm just a little worried about the tunnel thing because I'm Irish and I know I'm goin to make the quantum leap straight to Lincoln or Holland. Soooo I mention the R Doc's diagnosis and he tells me it's very rare and he only knew one guy that had it. An Irish professor he had in college. The guy was Irish. I'm thinkin.....sure why not!! He tells me there's an old wives tale type cure for Arthritis involving soakin raisins,and golden raisins at that,in gin,and eating them(nine a day according to some sources). I stopped drinkin a long time ago because I got bent outa shape once too often at gas shop Christmas parties. I recently took it up again because the pain drugs don't work and with Guinness I feel.....cozy. A pint before bed so I can sleep. Now I'm given some serious thought to Gin soaked raisins. Art's like that;he makes you do things you wouldn't do on your own,like when you're with a bunch of your buddies and you get a little braver than you really are. Well....I gotta go get ready. My daughter-in-law A.(name withheld to protect her sanity) just called and we're goin to a garden center this afternoon. I got about two and a half hours to get ready,and I should just make it. Art slows me down a little, and I have to check to make sure I'm walkin right. I check a few times,maybe a dozen or so times. Didn't I mention the O.C.D. Aw the heck with it,by the time I check this silly blog and get to the bathroom and dressed....I'll probably be late. Hope we can stop for raisins on the way.